Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
