I'm going to jail i love you
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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