she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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