Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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