A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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