the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
