Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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