just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
