Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
