I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
