I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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