it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
