Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
