i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
