Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize