I love black thongs
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
