atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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