i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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