some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize