O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
