I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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