In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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