I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
