i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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