he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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