I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
