he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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