You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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