shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
