yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
