I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i will never coherently bang her
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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