no. you can't hotbox the world.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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