My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
