Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
