DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
