she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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