Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
