I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
