He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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