omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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