Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
MIDGETS
????
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
