We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
