So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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