literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
