Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize