fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
