i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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