On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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