I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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