You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
