Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
