cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
