i permit you to call me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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