she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
not ubering you a puppy
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
