I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
