some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
