And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
