uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
