DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
