Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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