That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
