the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
