Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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