Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the day after is always just damage control
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
