So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
