Your mouth is God's brothel.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
