i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
