Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
