I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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