i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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