Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
