woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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