i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
