Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Four minutes until I can fart!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
