The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
