Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
