I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
