Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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