and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
