wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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