I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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